I saw this the other day in the paper. Other posters have noted the social ostracism/neglect from "friends". Amy takes a charitable view

[quote]Dear Amy:

A friend of mine died recently after a long battle with cancer. She had been a very social person until the last year of her life when she was too sick to get out much.

During her last year, many of her lifelong friends dropped her. I continued to call her several times a week, took her to the movies and shopping, and when she couldn't go out, I stopped by her home and brought her books or pastries that she liked.

She told me how lonely she was and asked that I call specific friends and ask them to visit her. Two friends increased their visits. All of the others said they wouldn't go to see her because it was too hard on them.

This makes me angry; after all, they are alive and well and knew that our friend wouldn't be with us much longer. Some of these "friends" had known her since childhood.

It might hurt me to see her dying, but think how much it must have hurt her to know that her friends wouldn't come to see her in her last months!

Morgan

Modern life has removed most of us so thoroughly from the real stuff of life that many people simply don't believe they can cope with being exposed to physical suffering and its attendant confusion and sadness.

They can cope with it, but they don't know it, and their anxiety gives them "cover" to stay away.

You sound like a good and constant friend. You might have helped some of your more reluctant friends to step up by bringing them along with you to show them how to have a good visit with someone who is ill.

Some people also cope better when given a specific job. Your friends who found this "too hard" might have been more comfortable providing a weekly meal or doing errands for your ill friend.
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