This one sure struck a chord. I see what all of you have gone through or are going through and I wonder if I will ever be as strong as you ladies.

When we start out building a future with the love of our life, joy makes us feel like we can do anything. We have boundless energy and we think we can make everything better just by loving someone. When life happens, it hurts to lose that joy, it's scary to lose that invincibility. We love and we hurt and we feel helpless. I remember when I couldn't stop thinking of him. Time passed and life changed and came between us. Still,I find myself worried about his situation all the time. He's distant and angry, but I can't stop caring. I don't know if it's history, enertia, or love. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this without the partnership, the passion, the kindness. I've tried to walk away but I can't.

I've had the "mirror break" on me and I know how that feels...my heart is with all of you. J and I still don't even have a definitive diagnosis. If J has cancer, I'll always be there for him. I just don't know if he'll be there for me. Thank goodness for OCF and for all of you who share what it's like to be caregivers. I pray that things will change. But, if they don't, I know I have you and other friends through OCF. I am blessed that, if nothing else, I will be understood.