Deb - Just the effort that Bob is making to tell you that he just hurts and is tired and not mad at you, and that it will change after surgery, really seems to me that he wants you to know he cares so much for you and for what you are going through with him. Even if he won't be talking after surgery, he can still communicate to you his deep feelings. Sometimes just a look, a touch or a word between the two of you can convey more than a lengthy conversation. It's good you have co-workers to talk with. And anytime Mrs. Hyde is on the verge of coming out, just let her out here with us. We will take care of her. When my son was going through the most difficult days, any strength I could muster up was due in large part to the support and compassion I received from everyone here on this forum.