Hi Deb

Alex and I found waiting and not knowing was the worst. We waited for a lot of things to begin -chemo, chest tubes (Alex suffered 3 lung collapses during chemo), lung operations, chemoradiation. Each time the fear of what was going to happen was worse than the actual procedure.

On each occasion Alex started getting cranky about a week before culminating the day of the procedure where he was even rude to the nurses and abusive towards me. Alex is such a gentle soul and this was completely out of character. The day of the procedure was also the time Alex had our first, second, third and (hopefully) last public arguments. Of course my own demeanour was not up to par either and I overreacted to everything with threats and abuse of my own.

Each time, the day after procedures, my old Alex was back with smiles, jokes and kind words for everyone - though some of it opiate driven which was quite funny for those of us witnessing it. I loved him again, until the next time ...

Whilst Mr and Mrs Hyde made their appearance every time we faced a new unknown, we both learned that our behaviour was a reaction to fear and not to take it too personally. Discussing the fear and recognising the abnormal behaviour helped us to avoid the worst of the Mr and Mrs Hyde stuff although a little late into treatment unfortunately. Hopefully you will be forwarned and forarmed.

Karen
PS I am sure if you read Ross's post and add "look on the bright side..." at the beginning it will better reflect his intention (well that's how I read it anyway). I am sure you dragged nothing up that he couldn't handle. Correct me if I'm wrong Ross