Donna,
I doubt you missed on teaching your children about to how to show they care. You are a very compassionate person, you show everyone here daily how much you care, they learned it. I think they are afraid, and most probably are feeling the same distance because they may not be able to reach out. I am currently watching Eddie go through this with his mom. He lost his dad in April '08, he was there with him. His mom has alzheimers and parkinson's and has just recently been placed in the hospice program. He seems to be immobile where she is concerned, I can't figure it out. It bothers me because we are so different when it comes to this, I know he loves his mom so why can't he make himself go to see her now? I think it comes down to fear.
I wish we could all be closer to each other so that in times like this we could be there to hold each other when someone needs it so desperately. I hope this helped a little. The one thing for certain right now is that you can count on someone from this base to be there for you!
Love,
Donna