thanks for the words of encouragement. I also feel a fair amount of fear of even telling people that I am depressed. I think it's esp. dangerous in general to tell other men (who have not experienced depression/cancer) as they don't get it (not socially acceptable for men to be depressed) and may actually avoid you. Women are safer and often offer support.

I feel sometimes that I experience much more fear of illness than is normal. I am not sure why exactly. Even minor stuff depresses/scares me and makes me worse. Cancer is far beyond minor and I can't seem to deal. It's as if people with much more serious/non treatable illness handle it better than I do.

[quote=Steve J.]Hi TRT,
I'm kind of a stranger hopping in here, I've just been reading through these posts. I had horrible, horrible problems with depression following my first round of Tx. It was worst when I was in the process of getting off the pain meds (like Fentanyl, oxycontin, etc). But it persisted long after and I still struggle with it on and off. I'm on both Wellbutrin and Prozac now. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I'm on these meds, like ashamed that I have this problem of depression. But my wife reminds me that it's a legitimate medical condition caused by imbalances in the body and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a good thing she reminds me because I really struggle, even when I go in to the doc and they ask me to update what meds I'm on.

I'm in the middle of my second recurrence now, with cancer in both lungs. They're telling me there's not a lot they can do except try to prolong things, although I seem to be responding a little bit to the chemo Tx. I'm actually finding myself less prone to being depressed since this recurrence started because I'm so focused on getting through it and figuring out what I can do (if anything) to survive and make it through this thing.

I just wanted to encourage you. As you've seen from all these posts, the depression is something most of us have run into or struggled with at some point post Tx, and there's a lot of us that still struggle with it. It all started for me in Feb 06 and it's still a struggle today. The advice about surrounding yourself with people who lift you up and who you enjoy being around is good, good advice.

I wish you the best. Don't forget you have a lot of people here who care about you and want to help support you.
-Steve [/quote]