Welcome to OCF! Im glad you're here, its always nice having fellow survivors join our ranks. You're family now smile

I dont consider your post to be even close to complaining. Its explaining everything you have been thru. OC isnt an easy cancer to bounce back from. You have done it successfully twice which is no small feat. There arent many who have been thru it twice especially after such a long gap of being cancer free. You are very fortunate to have caught the second round while it was able to be managed.

Psychologically, cancer is a tough pill to swallow (please pardon to pun). It impacts so many of life's daily basic functions. Its just not possible for others to have the level of understanding a fellow survivor has. I could talk to hundreds of people (who all had a basic understanding of OC) for hours and they still couldnt completely get it. It takes walking a day in your shoes to really understand what being an OC patient/survivor is about. You are not alone with your feelings! Ive been part of this group for over 9 years reading every single new post. Over the years, Ive seen hundreds express the same feelings you wrote about. There have been studies done that prove a link between OC and depression and also suicide. After what you have gone thru who could honestly say it didnt affect them mentally? Being forced to face your own mortality not once but twice is bound to have some kind of impact on you.

I advise finding a therapist who counsels cancer patients/survivors. Ask your physicians at your treatment center if they have someone on staff that can help you. A therapist or even a psychologist is just another tool to help you make it thru the day. Many here have found antidepressants to be very helpful. Maybe this would be beneficial for you as well? If you would go that route, remember those types of medications take a few weeks to kick in and begin to work so give it at least a month to see a difference.

Post as often as you like. Its ok to express the good, the bad and the ugly here. Our site is safe and completely anonymous. Your identity is kept as private as you want it to be. Posting all your bottled up emotions here can help you to feel better. We get you!


PS... GREAT job with your signature!!!! Thank you smile






Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile