Very long story, almost twenty years since the first diagnosis. I'm one of the 5 to 7% that fall into the "genetic" category. (Non smoker / non drinker / non HPV.) Not really the lottery I wanted to win, but here I am.

I'm two years out, (plus a few months) from my second go 'round with oral cancer. This last bout left me unable to swallow / and a fairly severe speech impediment.

I'm lucky enough to still be able to work full time, around 50 hours per week, but lately I'm really feel like the limited energy I have on reserve is reduced with every passing week.

I never complain about anything. I feel grateful for each day. My wife and kids are supportive. My faith is strong. I have everything I could have hoped for in life..........

Why do I feel like a shell of my former self?

Is this common?

Brief history - I was very active before my first diagnosis of SC. Skiing / White water rafting / weightlifting / mountain biking / etc. I was "that guy" going through the initial radical neck dissection / chemo / radiation / etc. it was tough, but I was in my early thirties, just married, and physically and mentally strong. After completion of the radiation, I was back to work and within a year I returned to the gym and was leading an active life again. Fast forward 17 years, two kids, coaching youth sports, renovating an old house.....happy life when the second diagnosis happened. This time it was much harder and the long term impacts are a great deal more adverse.

Again - I'm not sure what I'm dealing with emotionally. What bothers me the most is that I'm just not myself. There's just not much left.......

I just realized that I started out by saying I never complain......three paragraphs later, I've done nothing but complain!!!

I probably should talk with a professional (Psychologist) about these feelings, but I'm an engineer, so I have to try something on my own and arrive at my own conclusions before I take that step.

I guess I'm curious - Does anyone else feel emotionally "less than normal" after treatment?