Dear Noemi,
What a pretty name. I believe you may be suffering from Depression. A place where you are unable to see the way out. 28 years ago I was diagnosed with Reactive/Rheumatoid Arthritis. I had a severe case unresponding to drugs and I had to quit working for 3-6+ months. I was a single mother with 2 children and no childsupport. I had family support, but it didn't matter. I didn't tell anyone my feelings until after I started planning suicide. I felt my children would be bettter off without me and my disability. Luckily I told a Dr friend how I felt and he arranged for a Psychiatrist to talk to me. He put me on medication and its amazing how much better I felt. Between talking with a trained person and medication, I was able to find solutions.

You have reached the point in your grief for your brother that you need a trained person to help you. Find a person you like and I promise you that things will get much, much better. You took the first step when you posted your feelings here. The next step is getting professional help. Do it for yourself, your husband and your children. God Bless