Amy,

Where are you being treated? I go to Shands at UCF in Gainesville. If you read my first post, you'll see that I started out with a local ENT, but soon needed much more than he could offer. I'm not insurable (medically challenged one way or another all of my life) and also medically needy. I think that is why I was fortunate enough to be sent to Shands for the very best care. Who knows if an insurance co or HMO would have pulled out all the stops like the county and state did to save me.

I know it's scary, but you want this blasted (being clean here) thing dead and gone, so you'll get through it. I tended to think of it as a separate entity trying to take over and my fighting spirit kicked in and overpowered my fear.

Do you have anyone to go with you - family or friend? It might help. Actually, I'm stronger without the company. I tend to keep it together unless there's someone with me to catch the pieces. I do like the company for the drive to and from, though, and sometimes it hasn't been a good idea for me to drive the 6 hours round-trip.

Diane's "detaching myself from myself" is how I got through a lot of this, too. It helps with pain, also. My Gram used to say "This too shall pass". It also helps if the Doc and assistants know how you're feeling. They helped me a lot with their reassuring words and gentle kindness. You should be better tomorrow - you already know what to expect, and do take that med to help calm you. You'll do just fine. Get mad at the cancer and fight back. That fighting spirit leaves less room for the fear.

My very best to you,

Lani