Leze, to calm your fears about chemo. I had some trembling fears about chemo, especially having to go through that and radiation at the same time. However, chemo, in my experience, was the easiest part of the process. The nurses were by far the most compassionate, and were not horrified by my puking in their wastebaskets... lol. I also didn't have a very fine experience with the PEG tube. Looking back, I wish I could have put more cans of tube food down it to have avoided as much weight loss, but like your husband, I was a sick puppy. I had to avoid the syringe and use gravity bags. The gravity bags sometimes took as long as 40 minutes to do a feeding, but I would watch TV in the recliner or distract myself (sometimes I even managed to fold clothes hooked up to it)

As for the idiot people we all must deal with...I must say, I don't want to sound bitter, but the "ugly side" of humans hurt me far worse than having to endure treatment. Caller ID is a wonderful thing, I agree. It's rather hard to get involved in an emotional altercation with someone when you are already weak. My mother sent me a "bitching out" letter for not paying attention to my father's birthday. She did allow that one of my excuses could be "too sick" No matter how angry it made me, I wrote back "Perhaps it's better that we just not communicate" It seems much more simple to disengage politely.

Even when I was at my sickest, I tried hard not to lose my temper on people. Quite often I would back away and think about whether or not my perspective was skewed because of the pain meds or weariness. It just seems easier to avoid the conflict all together by closing off those that unwittingly choose to annoy, harrass or simply cannot understand what I am currently dealing with.

One of the lessons I've learned from all this is that life, no matter how long you get, is too short. It taught me to prioritize what's important. Those that I love, I love fiercely. When it comes to time itself, I prefer to spend it on good stuff. Every minute seems to be more precious now. I simply REFUSE to spend it in the company of others I don't enjoy.

It's unfortunate that when we are the weakest we have to see some of the more deplorable sides of human nature. Prior to getting sick, I was dutiful in remembering birthdays of nieces, nephews, parents, friends etc. It seemed like I was the caretaker not only for my own family, but everybody around me. This year, it's all that can be done for me to keep up with paying the bills and the bare minimum of keeping the house going. My focus is more on survival.

It sounds so incredibly selfish to be focused on survival, but I made peace with the fact that I won't survive unless I make my needs a priority. I cannot afford to let the emotional baggage of others to get me down. (If I live to be 80, I think I've finally learned this lesson) People I consider to be "energy suckers" distract me from my course of well being, so I spend my time more wisely now.

I sincerely hope that things start moving forward and much for the better for your husband. Keep us all posted.

Jen