I should have added that when I DID survive some people didn't know how to deal with that either! They had already written me off. They either embraced me as some kind of hero or they couldn't get far away fast enough.

Fear is an insidious thing - it is truly a tapeworm in the soul. It is vital to have a positive attitude. Anxiety is normal and there are meds for that. I took them all throughout treatment. I did envision that I would survive this, but it didn't come right away.

It was hard to find positive things but it strengthened my relationship and dependence on God, as my faith was what carried me through it. My wife and I were married 2 years prior to my diagnosis and it deepened our relationship and fine tuned what is really important in our lives. There were many gifts as a result of this disease, although some took their damn sweet time coming.

Danny Boy is a master at putting on pounds with PEG feedings - I am sure that he will share this with you. Get as much weight back on as soon as you can. The body needs all the fuel it can get for fighting and healing.

The trick to it is stay in the "now" and not the future - you must take it one day at a time. Start putting on the negativity filter in your brain and block those comments out. Counseling my be very useful right now as well. There are local caregiver support groups that can help you as well, talk to your hospital social worker.