While this response does not address your coping question, since refurrence is relatively common in oral cancers I thought I would add these points. It is important that all possible diagnostic work ups have been done, this includes not only head and neck scans, but ct scans of the lungs as well. Approximately 30% of those that have stage one and two oral cancers have occult metastasis of the cancer ot surronding tisssues that can not be picked up by conventional scanning techniques. That is why combined thereapies such as surgery and readiation are frequently the most successful long term treatments. I would have a conversation with your doctors about these issues when you go in for your next visit. Recurreences are frequentyly these micro-mets that were there all along from the original cancer, and are not actually a recurrence. Sometimes surgically oriented doctors have a perspective that needs to be balanced by oncologists from other specialties like radiation, or chemotherapy.