Dear Cindy,
This is such a hard time for both of you. I, too, felt the 'autopilot' thing, and couldn't (still can't)understand why everyone has commented on how wonderful and strong and brave I have been through all this. I certainly didn't (and still don't) feel any of those things. We do what we have to do to get through - there is no bravery or heroism involved.

I hope you will take the time to sit with your Harry and let him know how much you love him, and how you will fight this thing with him. If he is anything at all like my Tom, he will need that reassurance from you. Think how alone and lonely HE must be feeling. There were many, many nights that I got no sleep because I was so aware of Tom's discomfort and pure misery. I knew, however, that moving to another room would have devastated him. He often offered to move himself, but I also knew that if I agreed to that, he'd be hurt. We both resorted to sleeping aids to help us along. The hardest thing for us now is the lack of physical intimacy. It is a huge wound to us.....I HATE the PEG because it interferes with simple cuddling. I HATE the lack of energy he suffers, as well as the lack of physical strength. I never say anything about this to anyone for fear they will not understand. Tom and I, however, have talked about it......and we are both longing for the day when things will be 'right' for us again.
We never know the time we have left with those we love. I don't know that distancing yourself from Harry is the right thing to do right now, but I am speaking only from my perspective - and from my view of marriage. How will you feel if things don't come out 'right?' How many hours of being with your husband will you have missed?
It is so very hard to talk about the 'what ifs' when an 'if' is a real possibility. We have had to force ourselves to address the hard questions of finances, his business, our possessions, etc....not easy, but necessary. My humble advice would be to get cozy on the sofa and let the feelings and fears pour out. Good, cleansing tears never hurt...
I hope I didn't come across as 'preachy,' as I didn't mean to be.
I will be thinking about you, and praying for peace in your heart.
Nicki