rdb7777,
you are right, we do have a choice, actually many, many choices - I can fight and pretend I'm happy when I'm not, or I can fight and complain all the way, or I can just sit and be miserable. Or I can end it all. But suicide is something you can always postpone and keep as a last resort.

I am basically a VERY positive person, I believe that life is a good thing although parts of it are quite horrible. If you read my past posts, you can tell that I am good at complaining when needed.

no, you are not a superman, nobody is. But if a weak and helpless person like me can survive this disease, you can too. Maybe everybody is a hero in their way. But when you say we are very brave - no, I did not feel one bit brave when the doctor told me it was cancer, or when I started going back to work wondering whether I could survive seven hours of acting brave and cheerful!
And I never did make a decision to be brave and fight hard - I just decided to do what I could (I did think, do what I had to) at the moment.
All that said, please, talk to a professional about your fear and your thoughts of ending it all. There is no reason to be feeling worse than you have to! I have lost two brothers to suicide and i can tell you, it is a cruel thing to do to your family.
Wishing you all good things,
Leena