Hi Rosie,
If I were in your shoes I would be very angry also. It seems incomprehensible that a 28 year old woman could lose her life to this disease let alone not respond to treatment. Not having children myself I can't even begin to imagine your pain. Your anger is certainly understandable and also a natural and vital part of the grieving process.

About cancer pain, yes I have passed that advice along (that other doctors have told me). There has to be a careful balance between giving people false hope also. I have never advocated doing nothing nor do I "assume" anything. My personal belief (and consistent advice) is to exhaustively rule cancer out positively. I pass the information the doctors have told me (and my own personal experience) because some folks who come here are in complete terror. The fear they feel is not going to improve their outcome. Keeping a clear head and making informed decisions is vital in the early stages. It is common knowledge that oral cancer like many other forms of cancer get dx'd late because of lack of symptoms. Cancers typically cause pain when the tumors are large enough to press against other structures in the anatomy. It wasn't until my tumor was literally choking me to death (and my wife noticed it at night while I was sleeping and tape recorded it) that I finally took the advice of my MD and booked the appointment with the ENT. I share this advice so that others won't as stupid as me and ignore it.