Hi Helen,
anxiety and depression are part of this disease and the NCCN has a guidance document specifically for "Distress Management" just to deal with those mental health issues. Some doctors ARE aware of these and will advise or prescribe medications to counteract the problems before they get out of control.

Most of us suffer extreme anxiety in the beginning, some with each followup appointment or even waiting for test and scan results. Most of us also suffer depression post treatment. So what you are feeling is "normal" under the circumstances. Like Lily, you also have a tremendous burden above and beyond your own issues, far too heavy for you to bear alone. Maybe your family doctor can give you a referal to a psychiatrist to get you appropriate medications to get you through the rough spot, "talk" therapy with a psychologist would be helpful also. This is a great place to vent in almost complete anonymity also -one of the fringe benefits of the internet.

Like you, I tend to be the positive, upbeat optomist.

There's a reason why they don't do cancer jokes on Jay Leno or late night comedy shows. I am grateful to God that I occasionally see some humor in it now, albeit a dark humor. Last week I emailed out to my supporters a list of 8 "benefits" of radiation.

I didn't see much humor in it while I was in treatment though, although I kept a stiff upper lip while I was dealing with the radiation techs, even though they warned me I would end up "hating them" (which I didn't -they were my life savers). So many people take it out on them -theirs is a thankless job. I always tried to keep it light with them and let them know how much I appreciated their efforts (no matter how much I was suffering).

Anyway you've come to a great place. We have walked in your shoes and understand what you are going through. Keep coming back!