Dear Dragon..and Mom...

I learned a lesson a long time ago. I had just had my first baby, by c-section, (at Ochsner Hospital) and my precious mother had come to New Orleans to take care of us. She was breathless over the idea that her child had had this big surgery. (In those days, you stayed in the hospital for a solid week, and then you crept around for a long time after that.)

I recall a day when she was chopping vegetables for spaghetti sauce in our funny little apartment on S. Tonti Street. I was sitting at the tiny table watching her, and I was droopy and leaning on one hand. She looked at me, and I can still hear her voice (and see her face through my tears....darn these tears!)....as she said, "Honey, Please go lie down." And I said, "But Mama, I can't lie down while you are doing my work."

I learned from that small encounter that when we don't allow people to help us when we need it, WE ROB THEM ...We steal from them the gift they are trying to give us. We take their pleasure away.

We mothers have trouble giving up our roles as caretakers, as fixers....It's OUR job, isn't it?? And it feels great to be needed, doesn't it?

Well.....we need to learn to let someone else have that pleasure....the pleasure of doing small and large things for us....to accept the gifts others would lovingly give us if we would only let them.

We need to relax....SIT in that chair and LEt somebody bring you some coffee..and some toast...or a blanket....or let you take a nap while they walk the dog or fix supper or run to the store. JUST SAY YES.

You give a gift of love when you do....and you get one back as well.

Let go and let others help. They are frightened too, and don't know what to do. Let them know how they can help. Give them that gift. They'll feel better, and so will you. We need help...and if we want their company...and their understanding,.....then we must communicate our needs and not fake our feelings. This only builds walls and shuts our loved ones out.

We feel that we are protecting them. They aren't deaf and dumb. They know when you are faking it and playing the hero. It's a little insulting if we don't take them into our confidence.

Yes, there is a time when if we didn't fake a little, we might be complaining all the time. It's a fine line. But we are talking about your FAMILY...those who love you more than anything in this world and would do anything for you and want and NEED to do something.....need to be allowed "in." Give them that gift.

Boy.....I really got on a roll....and I know that I am writing to convince myself as well as you.

I wish that I had a loving child in my home, one that is willing to do anything in the world for me....one who can DRIVE....and is understanding...

Dragon and mom...have you seem the appliance come in and out? Have you looked inside to see the changes there? That's a great place to start...It brings things into focus...and it is a very intimate thing to do. Do you try to have a conversation without the appliance in? (I am not comfortable with that either, and I need to allow myself to do that more. I am extremely self-conscious about it.) This is a self-imposed hesitation. My husband would be fine with my trying to talk without the appliance.

Enough jabber.....When I first was diagnosed, I made the decision that I couldn't be private with this....I am not strong enough..and for me that was the right decision.

I have to say that only one of my boys has actually looked inside my mouth. He took me to the doctor once....but I wish that the others had had the chance to look.

I do tell them that I am doing fine...and usually I am....but they've all seen me cry (I'm hopeless!)....and I try to keep them posted on every doctor's appointment.

Please take my comments in the spirit I am offering them....I am not trying to control your relationship.....you probably do most of these things anyway...

XO--Miss Colleen