Hi guys

Thanks for your time with this. You dont realise how much of a lifeline this is at the moment.

Its been a tough day today. I have the mother of all headaches that no tablet has fixed. My nose now feels permenantly numb and ive been getting cheek and ear pain all day. My right nostril now feels completely blocked. My septum is still bright red which has me very worried.

The more i look at pics if my "lump" in my mouth, with the latest changes, its more of a swelling over a good few cm's. I wish you guys could see these pictures so you could see what a mess im deaking with.

Im trying not to 2nd guess here but its feeling more like a nasal sinus problem with hard palate infusion which would make this x10 worse.

The finish my day off my daughter has emailed me a copy of my nhs appointment letter with an ENT specialist that turned up at our house. My appointment is for the 15th march. That is way too far away i was hoping it would be almost straight after we get back at the weekend.

Things are not looking good for me here. Everytime i try and be positive i wake up the next day feeling worse.

This holiday has been a nightmare and cost £6000 which is money i will definitely need if i cant work.

Im thinking i may go to A&E when i get back if i am still feeling like this as i cant wait a further 2.5 weeks for that appointment.

I keep seeing pics of my kids on my phone homescreen and just feel like screaming. I just wish this was a horrible nightmare that i could wake up from. This year had so much promise and now this. Im sufferering So many advanced symptoms it makes me wonder how bad all this is and whether its now even operable.

I have so many horrible thoughts in my head right now. Will it be terminal? How will i look? what will my quality of life be like? will my wife still want me? How will we cope financially if i cant work afterwards?

I just feel so helpless and scared and all i want it to hug my wife and children.

Thanks for allowing me to vent guys.