Boy, this is a terrible situation for you.
Your Husband needs to realise that alternative Medicine just won't cure a cancer.
If mine had behaved like this, I would have been furious with him and would have let fly. How dare he be so selfish. He has a wife who loves and wants him and young children who need him to be here to parent them. Keep stating that to him.
Does he want to see his children grow up? How difficult does he want your life to be?
I would also make sure he knows that untreated oral cancer leads to an awful death, a horrible death.
When my husband was told that he would need to have his entire tongue and his voice box removed to save his life, well, he initially refused. He asked how long his life would be without treatment. He was told less than a year. Fortunately the surgeons also told him he would die an awful miserable death. I then spent some time talking to him. Reminding him of all the good things in life, all the good things to live for. To see our sons all grown and married. Eventually to be a grandparent and all the joys that go with that. How different , difficult and lonely my life would be without him. It took less than 5 minutes to change his mind. This was also a recurrence and he had stated after his previous radiation and chemo that he would not do that again.
You need to really talk with your Husband. Pour your heart out. Cry. Be honest with your feelings. Stress how much he means to all of you. Tell him that you do not want to see him die in this terrible manner . Maybe you need to research untreated oral cancer and let him read about it. Let him see the awful pictures of huge exploding tumours, gaping holes in the face, neck etc. let him read of bleeding out from tumours that erode blood vessels such as the Carotid artery.
Graphic? You betcha. Make it so to get your point across. He needs to get this treated. Life can be and indeed does continue to be great. He needs to fight, with your support and love .
Oh, I wish you the best.
Tammy

PS; you dont yet know that he does have a recurrence. Only a biopsy and scan will tell you that.

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!