Thank you, Ann-Marie and Susan.

I admit, I am in a negative place right now because these types of things overwhelm me. I am always grateful that I am not here writing about a recurrence. Sometimes, it's just hard not to feel the anger over the loss that cancer has placed in our lives.

I know that I have a lot for which to be grateful, still, and that things could be far worse, I'm just feeling some of the grief come back as I face these challenges. I have battled with depression and anxiety my entire life and cancer has just cranked everything into overdrive. I am doing all of the things I am supposed to to do...go to my psychiatrist, see my counselor, take my meds, but the facts are that I don't even want to get out of bed and face each day. I find doing every day things to take care of myself are taxing...taking a shower, making myself presentable, leaving my house, seeing my friends. Then comes the guilt because I am not being the mother that my kids deserve, and I'm not the wife that I used to be. It's hard to admit all of this and I know that I'm all over the place. I just hate all of it. I don't want anyone to worry about me doing something to hurt myself. I would never do that. I want to live more than anything...I just want my old life back or for my new life to be better, for me to be better. I'm hanging on but it's up to me to get better...it's just so damn hard.

Of course, this is not how I planned my life to be. None of us has.

I am grateful for your kind words, advice, and ongoing support.

Love in OCF,
Kerri