Thank you, dear friends.

I apologize for not replying to each individual post, but I truly thank you for sharing your own experience. Unfortunately, this is a very disheartening topic that has caused me more anxiety than usual. I have read all of your posts, keeping your experiences in mind, and I will respond with an update as time comes.

I have an appointment with a separate attorney to possibly handle my LTD claim. I have an appointment on November 13th. I didn't want to wait that long, but the attorney will be out of the office this coming week for a conference and then she will be in court as soon as she returns. The good luck in all of this is that the attorney used to be a physical therapist, like me, which should help tremendously in that she will know exactly what my job entails. Since I haven't yet met with her, I haven't signed on for her services, but she came highly recommended by my SSDI attorney and I trust him thoroughly, as he also came highly recommended from some law enforcement professionals that I know.

On Thursday, I got a call from the field claims rep wanting to set up a time to come meet me at my home so he could "answer any questions that I might have" and "so he could could get to know me". Since I've done some research on the topic of theses meetings, I know what his ulterior motive. I didn't answer the call because I didn't recognize the number and I had been anticipating his call. He asked me to get back to him on this past Friday, but I did not return his call, as advised by the paralegal that I spoke with to at the new law office.

As soon as I checked that message, I became very anxious and I was wondering how in the world would I be able to but his man off for over two week prior to my meeting with the attorney. I called the office and wasn't able to speak with the same paralegal (who seemed very competent), but I only got to speak to a woman who seemed by have English as her second language and it was somewhat difficult to understand her. The office is near Worcester, MA, which has a higher number of Hispanic residents. My questions to her where "What should I say to him when he calls back?" and "I am concerned that if I continue to evade his calls that it might create a problem for me in that I might seem uncooperative or hostile." She wasn't too helpful in this respect secondary to the language barrier and that fact that I think she was just answering the phones as a receptionist, rather than being a paralegal. The first one told me not to say that I was being represented and to avoid the phone calls until I could meet with them. All of this is extremely uncomfortable for me, to say the least.

This made me think of what I might be able to say to put off the visit for as long as possible. I welcome any of your input or ideas. These reasons are the truth, but I have to be sure not to give into his "friendliness" and give away too much information on the phone.

1) "I suffer from anxiety and depression and I would feel more comfortable with someone else present during our visit."

2) "I will need to arrange for child care, which include seeing my daughter getting on the bus in the morning and meeting her at the bus after school. Having someone else drive her is difficult because she is still in a car seat, as is Tristan, and the car seats aren't all that easy to transfer from one car to another. Not to mention that it's difficult to get anyone to help out in the middle of the day. My mother lives 35 minutes aways and she is still recovering from major abdominal surgery earlier this Fall. I would need someone to drive Tristan to pre-K at 11:45 AM and pick him up at 2:30 PM. There is no way the kids can be in the house during the meeting because there would be too much disruption. I would also have to potentially pay a babysitter $10-$15/hour to watch them (outside our small home) and transport them.

3) I have difficulty with short term memory and the memory during treatment and immediately post my treatment (when I was hospitalized several times for treatment complications to include neutropenia, dehydration, MRSA infection, feeding tube problems, fevers, vomiting, infected chemo port, infected PICC line, etc.) I think that I mentally blocked this time period out as a means of some degree of PTSD or just that I was so sick I didn't remember.

4) I also have word-finding difficulties and may not tell all of the facts/circumstances surrounding my disabilities. My husband is a good source of information as he was my primary caregiver and my mother, as well.

I don't know what else to comment on at this point. This post was far longer than I anticipated. I truly appreciate all of your posts. I am deeply sorry for all of the suffering that you and your loved ones have endured. It's not enough that the cancer assaulted and battered us, but then we have to go through all of these hoops, all the while losing money by lost wages, draining savings and investment accounts, losing houses, and so many other horror stories.

But then, I have seen pictures my Uncle Dana go deer hunting and sling a deer over his shoulder then strap it to the hood of his truck all by himself (when he has been on disability for low back pain for decades). He also had two beautiful Harley Davidson motorcycles in his basement. He was married to my dear Aunt Janice for years while she worked as a letter carrier and juggled 2 other part time jobs delivering pizzas and working at Bed, Bath, and Beyond so that their two sons could play hockey all through school. Yes, she should have dumped him a long time ago, but she is deeply Catholic. Once the boys were out of the house, she divorced him...and guess what? He gets to collect half of her pension from the post office when she retires. Just one of the maddening stories that we hear of malingerers getting away with everything for years, now making it nearly impossible for the ones that need it most to get the help that they need.