Wanda- I am sorry. Believe me when I say that I would NEVER wish this upon anyone - having cancer OR watching someone you love with all of your heart go thru it. I don't know if you read my introduction, but I've been where you are too. Too many times in too short a time! I am angry at cancer.
And I am angry at myself. After all, I am ALIVE. And so many others have things much worse than me. And I have a support system to envy and some people have no one. I am aware of how lucky I am and all that I have to live for. Hence the anger. I'm angry at myself for being angry!!
I'm not looking for pity - YUCK!! I KNOW that only I can make this better. And I will. But I still struggle every day with a slough of emotions, not to mention the physical pain I'm in daily, and depression and anger, unfortunately, is where I find myself.
If we can't be brutally honest on this Forum, then I think we're wasting a great resource. We all need encouragement. But some of us also need honesty. It has made such a difference already for me to read about others going thru exactly what I am. It's made me be a little easier on myself - those feeling of 'why am I not well yet?' and 'what am I not doing that I should be?' -questions that leave me feeling weak and angry at myself.
I feel that Jon is right where I've been and still struggle not to go. And, like I want others to do for me, I only want to let him know that I feel his pain and am here to share honestly with him. And hopefully help him cope. I wish I would've found this site a year ago.
Respectfully,
Wendy