Hi Schue
So sorry to hear about your mother but I would concur with Christine regarding an overnight pump. My Alex dropped to 48kgs (105 lbs) which at 6'1" put him in hospital. Using an overnight pump saved his life. He was able to take on 2000 calories this way. From memory the nurses started the pump at about 8pm and finished around 6am. It is possible to run the pump a bit faster than this (as Alex figured out the second we got him home) but you would need to be careful and only do it with advice from the dietician or nurse. I think Alex used the pump for about 6 months.
With regard to the choice of
Erbitux for your Mum, I disagree with everyone here and would suggest that it is a very good choice for someone who has a recurrence, who is your mother's age and who appears to be concerned about side effects and quality of life (I assume this is why she has rejected radiation?).
The only information I can find that suggests
Erbitux is less effective in
HPV+ve cancer is a particularly poor study published by the Sloan-Kettering group.
Int J Radiat Oncol Biol Phys. 2011 Nov 15;81(4):915-22.
Even the authors state that their findings "must be interpreted cautiously because of the retrospective nature of the study and significant differences in patient selection".
Unfortunately, this study seem to have taken on a life of its own with people quoting the results giving it credibility that it just does not deserve. Even our own Oral Cancer News section makes reference to it through a case study presentation where one of the panel of doctors used the study to state
Erbitux was not effective in
HPV+ve cancers. In addition, the study is only relevant for patients who are newly diagnosed with oral cancer.
There are dozens of studies that show
Erbitux as a good agent for recurrent head and neck cancer -
HPV+ve or not.
Now that I have had my little rant, I am sure someone will point me in the direction of a robust trial that says the opposite

The most important thing is that you have trust in your doctors, that your mothers wishes are heard and you and your sisters support your mother and each other through what will be a very difficult time.
Karen