Yep I am to angry and thank you Kerri for letting me know that Ron isn't just sitting downstairs watching TV and not doing anything with his life because he is not alone in this being the way to escape the thought of Cancer. He sooo hates it to even hear the word or see it on TV, the other day he came to bed and I was watching 20/20 and it was about the girl who "pretended" to have cancer because her boyfried was breaking up with her and than she told him that she had cancer and got a whole free wedding out of it! Well he came to bed and heard the word "cancer" and got pissed off yelled at me and went back downstairs, he still brings it up to my kids bout "let's go watch something on TV about cancer" and I keep telling him she didn't have it it was a story how she used people...ugh this was just past last week. He has his CT scan tomorrow and ENT apt and I am going with him to find out what is going on exactly. He told me 6 mos to a year last Oncologist apt, it spread to his upper right lung and no more surgery but now he says he wants to see what this CT shows and see what ENT says...he's ready to give up and I don't know how to make him fight when you have all of you who want to fight and beat this and WIN...he says he's old, has done enough and lived enough. Oh boy.