Sandy
My relationship with robin was a troubled one for many years before he became sick.His world revolved around work and alcohol and i was just on the periphery.For a while we lived apart,but somehow somewhere i still laboured under the misapprehension that all it would take was the love i could give him and all would be well.It wasn't enough and sadly it never would have been,but thank god i had enough love for him to stay by his side throughout his short and traumatic experience with cancer.It tested me to my limits and he pushed me beyond belief,but the love of my OCF family and the ability to write and blog were the only thing that pulled me through it all.

Dont expect him to be there for you Sandy,he wont be.If you think he has treated you harshly before then be prepared for worse.Verbal abuse ,blaming you,criticising everything you do oh its bloody hard and then it gets worse.For the lucky ones this will pass and maybe,just maybe you will get back on track,but all too often what you can excuse through illness becomes untenable in the aftermath,and lines need to be drawn.

Just know that if things are bad before ,it will not get better and you will be in the firing line full time.
There are plenty of us old war casualties about to help you through some who were lucky enough to get their lives back,but also a good few who didnt make it,or wouldn't have made it if the outcome had been different.

For four years i have buried myself in battling and fighting against anything and everything i could find to vindicate robins death and stop the pain of my loss,but i think some of that was to give my life a focus that was missing after he died.I hate this disease with a passion and will do anything i can to stop anyone suffering like Robin did and i always will.
But i also focus on the wives/partners whose lives are ripped apart as well.They need all our help and experiences good and bad to help them try to cope with the life of a carer,particularly with someone who doesn't want to be cared for.