Yes, I have come to the conclusion that I need some help even dealing with the fear. I read your response twice Brian and i thank you for it. I'm stuck and very afraid and can't seem to get a handle on it. I'm afraid of any and everything at this point. I know that my test results are out of my control. I'm more afraid now than I've ever been in my life. I'm going to talk to my dr about needing some help coping. I know that I'm in this position because of my own actions. I really don't deserve my own self-pity. This is my own fault. Thanks again for your reply. I really appreciate the time you have taken to respond to me. I got the message loud and clear..." much of it in the end is not ever going to be in your control."