I guess I'm lucky in the fact I have small children, who have not lossed the excitement and mystery that the holiday holds. We have snow and put up the tree and some decorations...and to see the light in their eyes and the excitement in their voices...I'd go through treatment again just to see that.

Your mind and spirit are much like your physical body. If you fill your body with nothing but beer and junk food and fail to excercise, your body will not be in condition when it's called upon to perform a physical task. Fill your mind with wisdom and learning, fill it with tales of heroism and acts of extreme survival or perserverence. Focus your thoughts on the positive, the good and beautiful in life. Exercise your mind and fill your spirit with that of triumph and hope

If that does not work, seek chemical help. I've not been a survivor as long as you, however I am in a very similar position. My face is paralyzed, I haven't "worked" in two years, I'm recovering from a major surgery and I too cannot eat much and am left to Ensure and pudding. I'm done crying for what I've lost and am now looking to rise from this experience stronger and more focused then before...with a new lust for life.

Good luck to you

Eric