Liz, First of all you can not blame yourself. You can't change anyones behavior but your own. My husband is an alcoholic, and has been for 30 years.He also worked every day while he was able, was never violent, and took care of everything that needed to be done. Rich quit drinking a year ago, but he found out 3 years ago how much damage he had already done. He had alcoholic hepatitis, pheriphal neuropathy,and ascites.He has lost so much feelings in his legs he is dependant on a wheelchair. Drinking was killing him but he kept on. Anyone who hasn't dealt with an alcohoic can say say what they want, but noone has any control except the drinker. The only option is to leave but that wasn't an option for me. It is a disease just as cancer is. Marriage vows say for better or worse, sickness or health. I couldn't break them. The only difference between your husband and mine is he never drank when taking medication. A year ago he suffered compression fractures of his spine and has been on pain meds since so he hasn't been drinking. We just found out about his oral cancer,(treatment hasn't been decided on or even staged yet) He is still smoking over 2 packs a day, and became angry when told he needs to quit. Sadly I can relate to everything your going through. I don't have any solutions but if you ever need to talk to someone who understands, I'm here.
Julie Kay