I have avoided this discussion like the plague but at this time when the topic is causing me so many problems i need to tell someone.

Robin is now back to health enough to drink and swallow liquids freely,so i suppose it was inevitable that he would move back to his former drinking habits eventually.Throughout his treatment,and even at the worst times he has attempted to drink a beer every day.During the middle weeks of his radiotherapy this was impossible and he went for 4 or 5 weeks without a drink.Once he started to feel a little better he experimented with all sorts of things until he eventually found something he could drink(wine and soda).Since then he progressed onto one bottle of beer in the evening and now he is back to going to the pub every day and drinking three pints of strong lager followed by a brandy chaser before bed.Its just an impossible situation.He sits in the pub barely able to keep his eyes open and i just dont understand why.He has a 100mcg fentanyl patch and is still taking 6 doses of 20mg morphine for breakthrough pain.I live in mortal fear of him killing himself with all this and when i try to talk to him about he gets so angry that i just crawl into my room and stay there. One of my most selfish fears is that if anything happened to him i would get the blame because no one would believe that one human being who has been given a second chance at life would do this to themselves by choice.On top of all that he is still smoking,and the stress of all this has resulted in me starting again after giving up 7 years ago.

No one needs to tell me that my husband is an alcoholic,i think i have known that for years but i never ever thought it was as bad as it so obviously is .I think because he works everyday, only drinks in the evenings,isnt violent,eats well ,and looks after his appearance i have deluded myself into believing he was just a heavy social drinker,but boy have my eyes been opened over the last two weeks.

Of late i havent posted anything about Robs condition because i felt it was inappropriate to discuss all his post Tx problems in a forum where every person is fighting to hold on to their lives with all their strength and doing everything they can to survive.I am ashamed.I just wonder if their is one soul out there who has any idea what he can be thinking of ,because i sure as hell don't.

Sadly Liz in the UK