Hi Wendy and welcome to the OCF boards. I am sorry you have to be here, but you are definitely at the right place for information and support.
I too have grown children and our kids were kept advised as things progressed - they knew about diagnosis, then were advised of treatment plan. I sometimes think that maybe we should not have told them until I knew the treatment plan but I was not coping well (who would???) and they definitely needed to know what was up.
Once you have a treatment plan you will feel more in control. Right now your world has been totally turned upside down - but remember that cancer is a WORD not a SENTENCE. You have a disease and it will be treated, and your job is to be a well informed consumer of the medical system and your caregivers job is to be your advocate.
Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Cancer is a THIEF. Right now cancer is stealing your days, but try to be calm and don't let it have minutes, hours and days that would be much better spent enjoying your family, friends, and ordinary life.
We're here for you.
Donna