Dear Iceman,
Your reactions and feelings are completely normal and understandable. We survivors can totally relate. I, too, came to a point where I decided life wasn't worth living. But, I'm so glad I had doctors, who were like coaches, who pulled me from the depths.
In a nutshell, this is what I learned: Your life as it is, feeding tube, disfigurement, slurred speech and all, is an OPPORTUNITY. If only you could take a different lens to see your life. You don't need to be stuck at home. All those people that know you and love you are looking to you to teach them, show them, how to overcome adversity. There is a woman out there who will love you for who you are...there are women out there just like you!! Have you read the book, Autobiography of a Face? Story of a young girl with a face disfigurement.
Get on the dating sites, and let people know all the talents and traits you do have that make you special. Certainly, you haven't lost any of those from oral cancer. Get a photographer to capture the beautiful side of you.

Yes, your life is different, but you can make it what you want if you get yourself OUT from behind the computer. No need to hide who you are - empower yourself by educating the world about self-esteem, oral cancer, and how to be a friend, and how to interact with someone who has differences.
There are PLENTY of jobs you can get that don't entail speaking to clients...where you can find a sense of importance as well as some joy.

I live in Easton PA, and grew up in Englewood, NJ, with family in Morristown and around. How about you work with me to raise awareness about OC? Let's talk. email me: [email protected]. If you decide that life isn't worth living, that is your choice, and I would understand. However, give an alternative a shot. First, you need to accept that there is a chance you can be happy and find joy in life. Then, act to make it happen. With the help of friends and family, if you can't make it happen, you will have tried your best. That is all anyone expects of you. Contact me. Eva