Hi Tom,
First of all, I am sorry that you are facing losing your wife of 24 years. My husband and I would have had our 25th in November if he had lived. I don't have the answers to all of your questions, but I can tell you that you do need to sit down and iron all of this out now! When Ron got his last diagnosis in April, I think that is when he finally really accepted that he would not be cured. So we went to the lawyer and had his will redone, which involved a lot since he was a farmer and his nephews are now buying his shares in the corporation. This will give me a monthly income for 20 years (or transfer to our kids when I die). Just a week before he died he let me know that he wanted to be cremated and did not want an open casket for a viewing. One thing I will say is that if your wife starts to tell you who she wants to have certain things,please listen and write it down. My husband one day started to tell me that he wanted our daughter to have a certain gun of his (he was well armed!), but just the thought made me cry and I said that we had to do that later. Well, we never did get around to it again. He passed away quite a bit sooner than any of us expected. So I feel a bit of guilt about that and hope that he would have been okay with the things I did give away, like his Harleys and guns to certain family members. It is not a pleasant thought or topic, but it must be done. Also, you must have a Power of Attorney for Health Care or your wife should have a Living Will. This is very important. We also had an evening of signing car titles and motorcycle titles. Again, my sympathies to you.
Lori