Donna: I definitely don't think you're just having a "pity" party. You feelings are not just cancer related, but are part of a larger population called being human. I can relate as because, just before my cancer diagnosis,I was pretty tired of life. I felt used and abused by everyone. Cancer was my wake up call.

I always use my sister's situation when I talk to my very frustrated and depressed fiends. I really admired how she handled her situation, and try to immulate her in my life.

She and my brother-in-law had to get married way back in 1965. They have two boys. My brother-in-law was an ass, and still is. They are totally different people, and he could be cold and distant. My point is she realized that any person, especially him, could not provide all her emotional needs. So she got busy and built her own emotional fortress. She joined different groups, changed jobs, took up women's golf., etc., etc., etc. She is also very attentive to her friends. It may be just her personally, but I can't believe her support network. She'll have more people at her funeral than any dignitary!!! She's still married to the same man, but when she was 45 she gave him a ultimatum. She won, but he still isn't a warm and loving person in my view.

What I saying is don't depend on one or just your family for all support. You need to build you own network of support. It takes determinaton, guts and work, but it will make you feel better even if you only have one person.

I hope this helps a little. I appreciate that going through the 3 times is extremely frustrating. I totally empathize with you, and wish I could do more.

PS: For me, the cancer was a call for me to get back to being how I was a long time ago. I let people change me, and I lost myself. I was depressed and unhappy so long that I didn't realize it. When I was diagnosed, I decided I WAS IMPORTANT for a change, and really started to work to get my old self back. I won't let anyone intimidate me anymore. I'm honoring myself, and also practicing a few lessons from my sister (who by the way I was estranged from until recently.)

Take care. I'll keep you in my prayers

Sandy S.