If you get the idea from the title that I am not "little miss sunshine" then you are right. My CT results are due on Monday and given all the family "stuff" going on around here, I just wish I was in my usual "pre results panic" mode.

I am having a hard time figuring out why I have fought so hard to date. If you asked me to come up with 5 good reasons, I could not. My family has let me know that I am inappropriate, drive them crazy, too negative, and in general just not someone they really value. I think it would just be so much easier to lay down my armor, stop the fight against this viscious disease.

I talked with Jim awhile ago about what our purpose in life is. I still haven't found mine.

I'm sure there are those of you who will read this post and think to themselves "oh she is just having a pity party and wants people to say that she is valued". I can hardly expect people from an online forum to value me when my own family doesn't!!!!! I don't have that unrealistic expectation.

That truly isn't the case - but I do want to know if others have hit "rock bottom" like this, and if they did, what did they do?

Donna