Hang in there, Donna. You are a valuable person, a special person and one of a kind. There is no one like you anywhere, now or ever. As far as your family goes, I think some of that attitude could be caused from fear. It's easier for them to ignore you and your problems because for them it's over, because as far as they are concerned you are healed. What I'm saying is, they can't think about losing you to this cancer. My own husband doesn't discuss it with me anymore, even when I'm getting stressed about an upcoming followup apt and you know how THAT is. He says that door is closed and the cancer is gone, I'm cured. He refuses to think about the fact that it could reoccur and will not talk about it. I believe this is because he, for his own state of mind, can't think about it. He went thru hell when I went through the processes, dx, tx, etc... He really was my hero and honestly, I was glad to be in my shoes versus his. I still feel the cancer patient has it easier than the loved ones. I believe with every fiber in my being, that when I leave this world, I'm going to a much better place. It's the ones left behind that go through the real pain. As far as being accused of being negative, screw that. I call that being realistic, not negative. It comes from the research and communication we've had regarding this cancer. We probably know way more about it than we should. I know I do. I found out after I survived the treatment, that alot of people had thought I was a goner. They didn't know me that well, I guess but one woman told me she thought I'd die because I was negative. I couldn't believe that. I asked her why would she think that, hell I was fighting for my life. She said it was the way I spoke to her before the TX. She asked about my prognosis and I just told her like it was, it could go either way, no one was real sure. No big deal to me at the time, I wasn't scared but I wasn't sure which way it would go and I was being realistic with her. I guess I should be scared about the fact that I've never been scared of this. That could take a shrink or two and alot of time, tho and I'm living my life now and don't want to use my time that way. Another thing, what you said about going to your appts by yourself. I go to all of mine alone. I'm more comfortable for some reason. I feel I can ask more if no one is around and if I do get bad news, I'd like to digest it awhile before I informed anyone. When I got the first Dx my husband was with me and I spent more time reassuring him than asking the questions I should have been. I know alot of people that go with family and friends along for support to their followup appts and then they go celebrate afterwards when it all ok. That's great for them but for me, it's less stress for me to do it alone. Donna, I don't know if this helps you, I really hope so because I care about you and want to see you happy. We have enough BS in our lives to put up with other people's attitudes. You need to do what's right for you and not worry about how they feel and don't let them control how you feel. I've read many, many of your posts and know you are a wonderful, caring person. We all have our down days and a little pity party or a good pout is good for us once in awhile. It just makes us more aware of the good things in our lives. From what I'm seeing here, you have many good things in your life right here. Sending you a hug, Carol