I have an Idea: install a really nice granite headstone in his back yard near where you saw him light it up. Let him suggest what should be engraved on the stone. After that don't let any of his behavior bother you (or us here either)

Oh did I say that in my outside voice??????

Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.