This may be also mean but if she is staying in your house and you disapprove of her smoking and if she is too weak to go out, then I wonder what she would do if you hid the cigarettes or just plain refused to give them to her. Being firm yet supportive (actually it is what my family still has to do for me when I want a cigarette and I still really do) stating you do not want those toxins in your home and if she wants one she has to earn it. It might be a way to bribe her to say eat or get to an appointment on time. Dealing with elderly people sometimes they have reverted and need direction. Smoking or any addiction for that matter can be a great motivator. To me it sounds like she has lost the fight before it started. Addictions are very difficult to deal with under the best of circumstances. I would consult the doctors in front of her as a last resort as she may feel being ganged up on. She is probably already in a fragile state as you are and probably feel you are walking on egg shells. Getting her defensive will not help but maybe talking to the doctors on the side and get them to be blunt with her maybe even find some really good graphic pictures to show her and may help. All I know is that continue to talk to people here and you will get a lot of advice and experience. It is ultimately your call but I do know how hard it is to live with someone who seems not to want to help themselves. But that doesn't mean they don't want the help. From my experience it is a type of depression due to addictions and fear. I also think you are on the right track to talk with social workers as they have experience and the connections to possibly direct you better. Plus they have the advantage of being right there...

Don't forget we are here too for you. There are a lot of amazing care givers with a lot of experience among them received from personal experience with this battle.

Take care Sharon and god bless