Hi Kerry,

Yes, your husband has been through hell. I went through the same hell he did, maybe even a little more as my surgery was extensive. I tell you this so that you realize I know each and every feeling he's having. Three months after treatment I still couldn't eat, although I could drink water. I relied solely on my stomach tube. Did I lie in bed all day? Of course I didn't. I had a family and responsibilities and life doesn't stop because of cancer unless we ALLOW it to. My advice to you...........forget he had cancer and treat him like your husband who is hiding away from the world, feeling sorry for himself. Tell him it's time to start thinking outside of himself and focusing on his children and family again. Sounds like everyone is using the kid golves with him, time to take them off and treat him like a capable man again. That's what he is by the way, a very capable man that is still weak from treatment, but still a man. No need to lie in bed all day. Pick a fight with him, let him get his anger up, do whatever it takes. Just get him on his feet. You sound like a great caregiver, but your role isn't to enable his need to stay in bed. Right now, your role is to get his butt out of the bed. If this were my husband, I would try appealing to his male need for control.............tell him you bounced a few checks! Sorry, just trying to put some humor into it. This must be tough for you. Get him out of the bed, it will make a huge change in day to day life for both of you.
Minnie