Well I guess I am well on my way armed with a lot of information and lots of questions for my doctor. There is still a lot of uncertainties mainly around whether or not I myself have the strength for this. I have gathered quite a bit of information but I am afraid I am a really big wuss. You would think living with all kinds of chronic pain arthritis,deteriorating disks,fibromyalgia, nerve damage, and neuropathy just to name a few off the top of my head) that I could handle this. I just have had enough of doctors and being treated badly by the medical profession now this. This is my worst nightmare me having to deal with needles and wires and pumps and drains and DOCTORS. I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it as that is why I haven't been to a doctor in years. They always blamed everything on my smoking or my weight. I am so tired of that already. I am no stranger to operations or hospitals but for some reason this particular surgery is really affecting me. I should not be so freaked out by it as I have had my teeth removed so the mouth part not used to but have experienced. I have had a gastric bypass which has given me experience with the tubes and such. I think it is about the trach that is making me nervous and the neck part. cry But still cannot get over this one even though I so many people before me have gone through it fine. I think just plain and simple have accepted this but am truly scared well scared enough to quit smoking.

I am having a bad day today with pain and wanting a smoke really bad but am fighting it with all my strength. mad I usually don't get much pain from the oc but lately the side of my neck and jaw seem to just ache and sharp pains in my ear. Not sure if they are real or just really bad mind tricks. anyway thanks for your reply and I just might take you up on that chat. I am still organizing my thoughts, information and questions.

Dianne


Dianne..treatment at cc at Victoria Hospital, London, Ontario...insulin dependant, Surgery Sept 8/08 Tracheotomy,composite resection and bilateral neck dissection, left radial forearm free flap... T2N0 squamous cell carcinoma. No radiation A little over 2 yrs clear YAY