Hi All, I think this is a great theme because Aimee has identified the fear that all of us struggle with - is any of this working and has it been worth it to go through the pain of surgery, chemo or radiation? Are we going to survive these cancers that have invaded all our lives? I don't pretend to have any answers to that but I am trying to find the balance between my hope and fear that Jack's cancer is really gone.

It's just too soon in my case because he only completed radiation 3 weeks ago, and has the 4th cycle of chemo next week - if his counts hold up. Like you Aimee his surgery was in Febuary so I think some of the fear is about adjusting to a fairly new diagnosis. My husband did not smoke or drink either but it really doesn't matter we're still dealing with it.

Thank you Minnie for sharing that fear will subside over time and that it never goes away completely. For me that's comforting to know. Sometimes I feel grossly inadequate that I am not as brave or positive as so many people on this forum. But reading this today made me realize it's a process with a lot of ups and downs, and it takes time to get to a healthy place. We still need to experience our feelings in order to face our fears and let them go. Medication and counseling also helps.

My husband is making progress since he completed his radiation, he is feeling better in general and is swallowing some soft food. His counts are low so they're treating that and we're hoping he will be able to have the chemo next week. We're hoping the 30 miserable shots of amifostine did some good, and that he won't be too beat up by the last cycle of cisplatin. We're hoping the feeding tube can come out after his follow up in August and that he'll be able to eat again. We're hoping the trismus and lymphedema resolve, that his hearing improves, and that he won't need pain medication as time goes on. Mostly we're hoping he survives and does not get a recurrence - just like everyone else.

I thank you all for giving me some peace of mind and perspective today. Intellectually I know there are no guarantees but emotionally I'd still like to have one. It's good to strive to enjoy the fact that we have today but it's also good to know that if we can't do that up front it will come in time.

Regards JoAnne