Brian,

You are a much better person than I. I would have given up long ago. I commend you for your perseverance, dedication and sincere desire to help people.

I know there are many here who do appreciate you and your efforts, but the majority of these people just don't know how fortunate they are to have you. If, and I'm sure you know it is a big if, I ever finish that darn book, and if I'm fortunate enough to actually sell any, you know OCF will be given a percentage of any profits. At this point, however, the profits will not be given with any desire to help people in general, they will be given to help you, because I still believe in you, although I have just about lost what little faith I had left in people in general.

I know one person can't do much, but I will continue to donate at least once or twice a year. I will continue to go through this site every time I buy from Amazon.com. I might buy a T-shirt from time to time and will probably get brochures to place in medical/dental offices occasionally. And I have named OCF in my will. Not for a huge amount, as I do still have 2 children, 3 grandchildren and a husband to think about, but OCF is named for a modest amount. Of course, that is one amount I hope you don't get for a few years yet.

I just find it incomprehensible that the survivors aren't more grateful and willing to help. For those of you who don't know me, my daughter did not survive. She has been gone for more than 4 years now, but I will never forget the help we received from this web site. The site in general, and the forum in particular, were my lifeline. I could not imagine going through what we did without the information and support that we received here.

I remember when the mucous was so thick that Heather couldn't lay down and sleep for fear of choking. Joanna gave us the tip about putting rolls of gauze in her mouth to soak up some of the gunk. Gary and some others had great advice on how to get the constipation under control. Nettie Poho from Ohio (I think that was her screen name) reassured us when Heather developed the fistula. Someone else had invaluable advice on keeping the PICC line rinsed thoroughly to prevent clogging. And the person who recommended the portable suction machine was a godsend. We used the heck out of that machine. When I speculated that we had made a mistake by not going to a major cancer center, thinking that concurrent chemo and RAD would have been a better treatment option, Glenn from New York (also now gone) assured me that Memorial Sloan Kettering was not offering a chemo/RAD regimen at that time, which eased my guilt quite a bit. The list goes on and on.

I don't visit the forum much anymore, because quite frankly, it is painful. It is not only painful to read about those who are suffering, because it brings back vivid memories of Heather's suffering, and painful to read about another person being lost to this disease, but it is also painful to read about those who have survived, because I then question why. Why have you people survived, when my daughter didn't? And then, to know that you have survived, and supposedly benefited from the support found here (otherwise, why would you still be coming to this site), but realizing that you don't even appreciate the help you have received enough to cough up a measly $10. $10 stinking dollars.

It is now and will always be incomprehensible to me how people can be that way. And I know I am coming across as a pompous ass. And I am not usually that way. I am the type of person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I believe in second chances. I believe in the basic goodness of human beings. I am generally the last person to condemn someone for his/her actions. I'm the one saying "Wait, let's hear both sides of the story. Give the person a chance. There's a bit of good in everyone. etc, etc, etc."
But I am having a real hard time doing that now. I just can't believe that the majority of you can't scrape up $10. Do you have any idea what $50,000 would mean to OCF?!? Obviously not. You must think it only takes pennies to run a website, pennies to print thousands of brochures, pennies to educate dentists, pennies, pennies, pennies. Well, I for one, don't believe any of you are that naive. And if you're not naive, well, at the very least, you are ungrateful, and I can't print the rest of what I think.

I apologize to the people who donated through the first link. I know there were a few of you, and I'm sorry your donation didn't count toward the $50,000 prize, but given the minimal participation, I guess it really didn't matter much. At least OCF does get the money that you donated.

I'm done ranting for now. But I'm glad I got that out of my system. Now, you all just chew on everything I said for awhile, and if any of you have a conscience, go make that donation. You have until Jan 31st @ 3 PM. We don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting the top prize, but there are still the $1,000 prizes to try for.