I think maybe cancer changes us in various ways, depending on what it is we've been wanting to change in ourselves. In some ways I find myself MORE kind and patient than I used to be (like you Minnie, I wasn't very asserrtive in the past but I might be patient to someone's face but then I'd grumble about them later-now I realize that if I don't speak up I have no right to grumble later on).

There are definitely situations where I am more assertive as well. If I really believe something is right, I am far less afraid to speak up for it, even in the face of opposition, than I once was, even if it ticks someone else off. This really came home to me recently in a situation at work where I am going to bat for starting a program that will really help students despite some rather loud faculty opposition. There's a bumper sticker I sawe once that said "well behaved women rarely make history" and , though I'm not using that to advocate rude behavior, I think maybe that's kind of at the root of the change. I think more about what I'll leave behind once I am gone and it makes me more ready to speak up and advocate for what I believe in.

In the realm of advocating for myself medically, I have *definitely* changed there. My doctors (except for the one in Bosotn who helps me keep my throat open) do not work at a CCC, although my MO and ENT both have worked at CCCs earlier in their careers. I have finally realized that I am as likely as they are-maybe more likely thanks to this board--to know about medical issues relevant to my treatment and I'm not afraid at all to ask about those things and keep asking until I think I'm heard.

And sometimes it does take apearing stubborn and insistent. Recently I went for a mammogram and the hospitla had down the wrong breast--the breast where I ahd NOT had cancer (though I had had a microcalcification and a biopsy showing ti to be benign the year before in that breast so it was a soemwhat understandable mistake). I said several times there was some mistake then told the women who was trying to lead me back to the mammo room that I didn't want to go any further until they called my doctor and got this striaghtened out because I was NOT going to have a mammo. of the wrong breast then have to come back for the other one. I saw another older couple in the wiating area looking at me kind of anxiously and almost disapprovingly--like they were shocked I would think I might know which breast needed a mammo! (They ended up calling my doc and fianlly got it straightened out)

I respect all the doctors and medical personnel I see, but they are human--and incredibly busy--and I know I have to count on myself as much as or more than I count on them.

Nelie