Minnie, Thanks so much for the reply, I re-read my post in the the light of day, and pathetic as it seems.... it is all true, I agree with what you say about the shock of it coming back, last time there was no time really for it to sink in, we had the dx and within a short period of time he had his op, this time aroubd it has been appointment after apointment, ct scans, pet scans, biopsy, FNA (waste of space)Dr chemo, Dr. radiation, mask fittings etc etc. I do need to buck myself up.......I also go to work but I have put myself on short time, maybe I need to take a hiatus for a while after all what is money when your sanity is going out the window. I have spoken to the Dr. today and he is faxing through orders for new meds. I hope it helps him.

Nelie, I want to thank you too for your reply, when I read the line about feeling safe and then it coming back and being devastated describes me to a T, I have come to realize after reading the combined posts I am not Superwoman and cannot do it all, and getting help around the house is a good idea. As I explained my family are a waste of space, but my friends well, they are a different story, they have always been there for me, but I don't like to impose, and as you said "don't let your pride get in the way" I am a proud person and yes I think, well I know it has got in the way.

I would like to thank you both again for taking the time to reply, I feel better just knowing I am not alone, and there are things I can do to relieve the stress so it is less of a burden.

All the best
Sammie