Hi Didier,
Expressing your feelings is very manly - forget what everybody told you in childhhod - it was a lie.

The grieving process differs with everyone, as much as response to treatment does. It can take years to finally get to the last stage of acceptance. I still think a lot about my parents who passed away 20 and 10 years ago. You never really get over it - there's always going to be a hole there. For years I would reach for the phone to ask my Dad a question about carpentry or something. I have a mentor now who is 80 (duly appointed by my Dad 10 years ago and now I mentor others). Grief is a very personal and lonely process. Venting is a healthy way to deal with it as you are doing here. Your wife's idea about talking to someone, again, wouldn't hurt either. I always feel better once I put things on the table.

I know all about insomnia and sleep disorder - that's why I'm writing this at 1:30 am PDT. I've tried Ambien, Valium, etc. and it doesn't really seem to help much on a long term basis, besides they say the quality of sleep deteriorates with age. Former President Clinton once stated that he only slept 5-6 hours a night (of course that could have been to spend more time in the Green room with Monica ;-)

Volunteer work will be a great outlet for you and is a terrific idea. Giving back in such a way will give you untold benefits and personal healing. You should share your experience, strength and hope in cancer survivor support groups and let people need know it's alright to express their feelings about their losses and that they are not alone.

Sometimes it helps to make a written "gratitude list" of all the things you are grateful for to balance out all of the things that hurt.