I finally feel like we are in the home stretch with my husband. He's down to one more chemo treatment and 10 more RTs. And, as many of you would expect, he's pretty darn miserable.

He's been surviving the treatments, only lost 10 pounds so far without a peg. He HATES but takes his liquid supplements and he is able to eat eggs every morning and he does really well with his fluids...even though everything is a struggle.

And, he is on a ton of pain medication. Which makes him pretty tired.

While there are times when he is "up" and doing well emotionally, there are times when he is really down. This awful treatment process has brought him to tears many times.

Right now, I don't think he sees a life past this...and, he just is in a state of constantly feeling miserable. He wishes he could eat normal food, create normal saliva and swallow without discomfort. He wishes he was out on his bike riding in the summer or out camping with his kids.

The reality of his situation right now is if he is not in treatment at the hosptial, he is in bed.

Emotionally, he dipped last week when he had thrush. Now, that's better but he still has his down moments...they occur most if I leave him...which I do every now and then to get into the office for a couple of hours or to take the kids someplace.

I even started adding an hour walk into my night to try to regain some sense of normalcy in my life and to help me stay on a better, more even keel. (I was finding that I was walking around everywhere crying...the grocery store, the drug store...taking out the garbage...anytime I wasn't with him I was crying.)

Now, I'm doing better and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, he is struggling emotionally and the light isn't so clear to him.

Last week when he was at his lowest, I talked to his team about antidepressants. I was a little bummed out to find that they take 2-4 weeks to get into someone's system. And, my husband does NOT want to be on anti depressents.

If I only had to worry about the next 10 treatments, I wouldn't think twice about dropping the topic. But, in reading through posts here, some of the recovery period sounds hard emotionally, mentally and physically.

For those of you who have endured the treatments and the recovery, what are your thoughts regarding anti depressents at this stage in the process? Should I push harder in this area or should I wait it out.

It's a tough call from my perspective...because if it takes 2-4 weeks for the medication to work...he might be doing better in 2-4 weeks..or, emotionally/mentally he might not....

Any thoughts or guidance would be GREATLY appreciated!! I can't get him to go on this site, but I read things to him all the time. And, we are both grateful to all of you!