HOW TO FIGHT FAIR

1. No name-calling. It is the other persons actions that are the issue. Do not attack the person.
2. No mind-reading. Do not assume intent or motivation. Do not say things like "you did this on purpose to hurt me". Learn to use "I statements" instead of "you" statements.
3. Stay focused on one issue.
a. Resolve one issue at a time. Do not get side tracked on past problems.
b. Do not "change the subject". Stay on track until problem is resolved or an action step is agreed upon.
4. Be courteous. Do not interrupt. Allow the other individual to complete their thoughts. End the fight with dignity.
5. Do not exaggerate. Words like "always" and "never" are usually inaccurate and tend to change the focus from the issue to the "frequency of the issue" which is normally not the main concern. Also keep your responses proportional to the issue.
6. Attempt to see the issue from the others point of view. Though the issue may not be important to you, it might be very important to them.
7. No insults. Insults hurt a persons self esteem and create a defensive atmosphere.
8. Do not invalidate each other. Respect the other initials opinion. It is OK to people to see things from a different perspective. It does not mean that you are "right" and they are "wrong".
9. Communicate as directly as possible. Yelling, sarcasm, whining & nagging interfere with effective communication. All are forms of intimidation.
10. Avoid threats. If a conflict cannot be resolved by the above guidelines, utilize other resources, i.e. counselor, doctor, pastor, therapist, etc.
11. Keep real. Deal with real issues. If you fight about everything then you are fighting about nothing. Don't pretend to have hurt feelings. Let your viewpoint stand on its own merit. Don't play manipulation games.
12. No physical violence or emotional abuse. Intimidation of any kind stops true and honest communication.
13. Listen to each other. Communication requires the ability to listen as well as to speak.
14. Implement a time out if needed. This will allow both people to have space to reevaluate the conflict at hand. Sometimes a "fresh start" is needed.
15. Do not sabotage your communication by poor timing. Pick a time when both parties can give full attention to each others input.