Michele, this may bring the wrath of the universe down on my head, but I would suggest to you that you limit you "net" searches to OCF and one or two other very reliable sources. We cannot master the practice of medicine-much less the speciality of Head and Neck Cancer in a few months- we can only narrow down to the few most reliable resources out there, and that is a mind boggling experience in itself. Let me save you some time and grief. Brian and many other members of this group are as knowledegable about this disease as anyone you will find. Get you "fears about future "what ifs" under control[i.e. on the back burner], and start concentrating on the next few months, because that is what you are going to be dealing with. Insist that you understand the tx. as it is proposed and the daily requirements of you and Jesse. Understand and deal with step 1 and start asking about step 2, so that you can be prepared for that. I just posted a question in "Currently in treatment" about John's chemo which will start in 4 to 6 weeks. I want to have some time to get ready. Things usually happen so fast [as you know], we usually don't have time to get prepared. Beside my "questions for the Docs" notebook, I have kept a journal for John since his diagnosis and treament started in March 05. It is a comfort and encouragement to him to read how much he has battled and overcome in the past year and it has been a real help to me in fighting with his insurance co. when I had to, and quite frankly, it has given me a diary of my own life over the past year. I also take a calendar to every Doc. appt. This calendar has all our important family birthdays, school events, family reunions, etc. on it, and if I need to negotiate an appointment,I will! We still have a family and A LIFE! You can't procrastinate any longer, Michele, you got to get it together and get it going If you want to talk, e-mail me[ altho I much rather talk to you on the phone-I'm older than e-mail]. Amy