Minnie,
I don't think you're being insensitive -- family dynamics are part of the problem, I agree. But I can't say that he's being unreasonable, just resistant/non-compliant, and he already knows full well that he's being that! This is what is so frustrating: we feel that we can't push him to do things he doesn't want to do because it's his disease and his pain. We're just hoping that if we make these suggestions and continue to push him as much as possible, that he'll eventually respond (or not, and then, as Karen suggests, the hospital will be the place where he sorts this out).
I'm going to print out what Ed, Gary, and others had to say and hope that other people who've gone through the same thing will have more standing in his eyes.
thanks again for your help, all of you!
Eve