Hi --

We took a different tack -- we told all of our family, friends and relatives as well as our close neighbors - we felt it would be all too obvious when we had to cancel our Australian birding trip (which everyone knew about) that something was seriously wrong. Also, Barry would be "missing in action" at meetings of clubs in which he was active, not out bird-watching, etc. Plus during treatment he would be (we anticipated) pretty sick. Also, I thought we could use the support.

This we got in spades -- the den and house are filled with cards and notes from everyone, some lovely letters, flowers, plants, one friend gave us Blockbuster On Line as she thought he'd want to sit and veg with DVDs -- emails from all over the world (we have a large world-birding community), calls from relatives etc. It even got Barry's two brothers in England together (they had been at odds over some trivialty). The hardest decision was to tell his 98-year-old mum but she was already very suspicious when we didn't go to Oz. She took it very well and calmly, so it was the right decision.

Now that Barry is out again birding and going to other events, everyone tells him he looks great (he does though he's lost quite a bit of weight) which makes him feel more positive. If we hadn't told them , they would be asking questions like -- what happened to YOU?

Since we told everyone up front (and they told others), we do not get any of those questions and that is a good thing.

However everyone has to decide what they feel most comfortable with...

Best,
Gail and Barry